What is Happiness??

Ok, i was planning to go out wif xinying and wenya today, go orchard library. Coincidentally, i was looking frantically for a good book to read. But in the end the trip was cancelled due to xinying not feeling well. Hope u are feeling much much better now!!! So here i am blogging about mi life, which i havent been talking about for a very long time.

Well, if u might not have already known, i am not really having the time of my life right now. My life basically just sucks. No goals, no dreams, no meaning and no motivation. And worse of all, i really suspect that i am suffering from depression. I am not joking.

What is happiness?? I havent had that feeling for a very long time. The old Xian Hao, u guys knew is always very jovial and lots of little simple things could make mi really happy. But these days, i get depressed easily, i dunno why, just the other morning i got up and was sitting on the lrt, i saw these two indian schoolgirls talking to each other and teasing one another, immediately, my eyes started to water. I was so envious, i miss those schooling days and i miss all my frens. I felt that mi and my school frens including u guys have like drifted apart. I feel so detached from u guys!!

The other day when terri invited a few of us over to the steamboat dinner at her hse. I felt it alreadi!!! The atmosphere was just really strange and weird. Considering terri to be one of the best friends i have ever had, the feeling was just unbearable. I dunno if i was too tired or too sick of army work that day or what. The usual chemistry and joking around between all my frens are so absent.

Army has almost taken away my life. I dun even have the time to attend the business course that i paid for lar. Now its like 400 plus gone!!! Just like that!! And the freaking camp they posted mi to was like so far away. Seletar Camp!!!! And pple who lives in places like tampines and the north area are posted to the west area!! What freaking logic is this!!!
Imagine,
Having to wake up at 5.15pm everyday
then take LRT to Choa Chu Kang
Then MRT to Woodlands
Then take Bus 168 to the main gate of Seletar Camp
Then take 103 to inside of Seletar Camp.
Then take a 20 minutes walk to the company line!!!
When going home, its the reverse way!!
This cycle practically repeats itself everyday.
And thats not all, when there is big events, they expect us to be there at like 6am or 6.30am. Pls lar, even if i wake up at 3am also cannot reach there right, no bus lor. The earliest i can reach there is like 7.oopm lar. The brillant solution they give:~ Take Taxi, cannot claim the money one lor. Or and then there is this more brillant solution:~ Stay in. Yar nv even give us bunk expect us to stay in, we sleep on the roads lar. Then like everytime last minute then say nxt day must come early, freaking pissed, we like nv even prepare our clothes and toiletries lar.

All there's more, this freaking company of mine no welfare one lor. We work work and work. Train train and train. Sometimes even do other extra things like digging the stupid drains and doing area cleaning until like 8.00pm lar. Like machiam free labour lor. In the end of the day, when we all doing all these extra things onli the newbies like us kena lar. The others all siam dunno where lor. And then in the end of the day, what do we get?? Complains that we didnt do this, scolding coz we dun perform to their expectation. No offs, no extra incentive, not even a thank you!! Just Great!!!

Have been really really sick of this kinda lifestyle. I should be adapting to it by now, but sometimes i just cant help to place the black look on my face!!! I just cant make myself happy!!! It has onli been like 6 months, its seems like years alreadi, 1 and a half year to go. By that time, i am afraid i myself will not be able to recognize myself too.

In a recent Happy Planet Index survey, Singapore is the rated the bottom 2 out of all the asian countries, our country is the 2 most unhappy country in asia. In the past, i would have been shocked!!! But, now, i could totally see why!!

What is Happiness??

Where is my Happiness??

我要快乐 (By 张惠妹)
又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡
了我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所

有我要快乐
我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍

我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的

把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所

有我要快乐
我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍

我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
我的决定是对的

By Xian Hao