3 bad days

Haiz,
it has been really a bad week.
Although today and tomorrow i am off from work, the 3 working days this week are all very bad for me. Three days is enough to make my life so miserable.

Mon,
i was made fun of during the morning roll call when everyone fall in coz i did not sew my uniform properly. Well, actually, don't really mind coz they are just joking, but at that time, i dunno how i should react and what i should say lar. Its quite embrassasing lor. Plus, i am quite angry with myself also. How can i not check the uniform after my mom has sew them on? In the evening, my mother sort of shouted at me also. I came home late at night due to the so many overtime at the workshop. Then i need her to sew the uniform correctly. Its quite late already and i understand she is really tired. But i have no other options what. OT leh, what u expect me to do right? Then she continued shouting, and i just stand down there lor. Felt really lousy.

The thing is becoz of all the OTs, i am having problem with my family le lor. I think they feel i very selfish. My dad is in Dubai and all the work he needs to do in Singapore, my mum, my brother and i have to take over. With all the OTs, i really cant help much lor. I already come back home so late everyday, then got one of these days my mum keep asking me to do some calculation and i think i sounded quite pissed also. Naturally what, u come home so late, then at home still cannot rest, of coz u will feel pissed one lor. My aunt also say me lor, say i very selfish everything let my mum and my brother do, but the things is really don't have the time lor, these few days i come back home just to sleep only lor.
I overheard my mum on the phone a few days ago, she said my dad has to give up some projects as we really cannot manage them. U noe how guilty i felt at that moment?

Am i really that selfish and self-centered?

Tues,
Typical day. But with long working hours.
Technical work really not my forte.
The stuff that i thought i knew. I realized today that actually, i dont really understand that much also. My juniors are even better than me now. I am just a useless character in the workshop, stealing their oxygen, wasting their time and wasting everyone's time.
Spilled oil all over myself today. Arrgh.

Where am i forced to do the things that i don't like?

Wed,
A really dramatic day. On COS duty today. Have to do lot of stuff coz the clerk on half day off. Everything starts when went to collect the company's ration. U know how many rations i have to collect, then after that still want me to collect three pails of ice somemore. Then ask for help no one is willing lor. Whenever, everyone needs a listening ear or any form of help, i will always be there for them one lor, but now when i need help, where is everyone?
Lucky one decided to help me. Thanks to him. But its only after much persuasion and must still act cute a bit b4 he agree one lor. I am like so fake lar. But thanks to him for helping anyway.

We came back a bit late, coz so many thing to collect mar. Then, everyone starts blaming me lor, say they wanna fall out early why mi dinner come so late. Wah lau, if u guys agree to help mi in the 1st place, the dinner would already be there lor. Still haf the guts to blame people.

After that i started to get really stressed coz there are so much things i have to do b4 everyone is dismissed. Then all these high ranking officals, dont have eyes to see one lor. See people like so busy still throw things at you and ask u to do. And the thing is its simple things like, gluing some paper and sweeping the floor lor. Im like halo, pls lar, cannot do urself is it? And its like keep pestering mi to do lor until i bo bian have to do thus delaying everyone's fall out time. Which leads to more grumbles and complains.

After fall out, one of my "friends", ask mi to do something that he is suppose to do lar. Then like keep insisting that he is correct like that lor. Wah he think his rank very big like that lar. Can arrow people to do his things ar. I cant take it anymore and shouted at him at the top of my lungs. Everyone stopped to look at the both of us. Enjoying the show and drama, none came to my help. Thanks ar.

People really do change. It doesnt matter if enemies hurt you. But when good friends hurt you, the pain is unbearable. I guess i lost another friend. But the person who changed is you, not me. Why am i so silly as to feel hurtful becoz of that? I should be grateful that i finally cut of any connections and relations with you.

Thurs,
Yup. Its my off day. I noe.
But things havent end.
Apparently, one important document is lost in the company. I am the last to see it.
Just great.
Wonder how many extras or what punishment i will be "rewarded"?

This is a complicated world. Its a dog eat dog situation.
Trust No One. If not you will be hurt.
A lesson i have learnt in a hard way.

Xian Hao