an entry--- iynix...

dark clouds looming... i feel it's gg to rain soon... n when it rains, i dunno if i can survive...

hey... so sorrie for not updating 4 super long...
i noe i have a lot of half-done entries...
so sorrie... but been realli busy...
realli tired... exam wk for the pri sch last week...
i m so tired... haiz... n they failed all their subjects... haiz i m useless....
aniway enough of my ranting...

hey xianhao... take care...
i noe it's so sudden... n it might take sometime b4 u get used to the idea that she's gone...
jia you...

juz sth to share...
hope that it helped...

i rmb juz a few mth ago... when i was discussing china's history w xiujuan when my dad rushed out n then my mum made mi end my call without saying y...
everyone was quiet n waiting...
then after an hr, the phone rang...
the nxt sentence i heard my mum say to us... u dun have ye ye animore...
it's sudden... it's shocking... then the tears would juz started to flow...

quite a number of years ago...
when i was in pri six... preparing 4 psle...
my grandma (mother's side) was sick...
she was admitted into the hospital 4 a few months... operation n everithg...
i rmb that day clearly even though it was so long ago...

on that day i was arguing w my mum...
she wanted us to go to my grandparents' hse but i wanted to go to sch...
i rmb that i would b getting back my testpapers which i was veri sure i did well...
my mum was very angry and scolded mi... then she cried...
i was stunned n shocked... i had nvr seen my mum cried b4...
she din say anithg later n then we juz reach there...
it was then i realized that my grandma was gg to someplace far far away...

i dunno... if it was juz mi or wad...
but when i realized that i have lost someone who cared abt mi...
i began to recall the times w them...
i rmb how my yeye had always laughed n talked to mi n my sis abt the seafood he bought...
i rmb how my ah ma used to bring mi n my sis out, be it to the temple or juz macdonald...
n then i realized that those days were over...

however, no matter wad happens...

i noe that they wanted mi n everione they care abt to live n b happy...
they wanted us to smile n be happy... not to cry n wallow in sorrow...
so life goes on...

sorrie... i tink i m babbling... but juz want to say... take care... n well... dry ur tears...

aniway... another thg i want to say it's that...
ok... i noe tis sounds realli bad... but it's juz one feeling i always get during or after a funeral...
u realli get to noe ur cousins... aunts or uncles... better...
it's like a family gathering...
but it is one gathering i hope i can nvr have to attend...
but spending whole days doing nothing but folding those papers n praying...
ppl tend to spend more time talking....
mayb it is one of the motives of the funeral?
to bond the family even if he or she had passed away?
but then again... i always hoped i nvr had to attend another funeral...

born, age, sick n die...
sth everi1 had to go thru, no matter wad...
but so wad if it cant b helped?
juz live life to its fullest...

aniway... i m not sure wad i m typing le...
but juz want to ask everi1 to take care n jia you...
since i tink i m like lost touch w everi1 le...